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By Kenyon & Taccara Martin
O.K. let’s go ahead and get it out there, Valentine’s Day articles are pretty cliché. Each year, couples attempt to buy themselves into better relationships and singles try to force love magic upon relationships that aren’t genuine. It’s a day where people cram all of the things that they don’t get on a regular basis, into one day. And every year, there is an article that tells you how meaningless Valentine’s Day is—However, ads make you believe that their diamond earrings will put the MEANING back into your relationship!
Well, I can’t do that this year. Valentine’s Day has become meaningless because it exposes either the neglect of a current relationship or the loneliness due to the absence of a relationship. That’s a mindset of the past. Actually, it’s a mindset of OUR past. Let me explain.
If the message and mantra of my wife’s and my brand could be summed up in one word, it would be “Honesty.” Honesty about who we are. Honesty about what we want. Honesty about what we don’t want. Then, in the light of that honesty, taking ownership of the relationship choices that we make. We have personally learned and now teach that relationship Honesty from inception to conception is EMPOWERING!
When we, individually and collectively, learned how, to be honest with ourselves, we experience a perpetual happiness. We enjoy our alone time. We enjoy each other and our relationships. We are genuinely HAPPY regardless of the circumstance. Regardless of the day.
1. Honesty with who we are.
We are all made with the desire for relationship. Be it romantic, familial, friendships or professional. We long for and desire companionship. Yes, even the person who yells and screams, “I don’t need anyone!” Their self-contradictory proclamation exposes the fact that they at least need someone to hear them. Human beings are built, molded and programmed for connection.
Once we are willing to be Honest with ourselves about that, something interesting takes place. We stop being afraid to be open with our hearts because we understand that an open heart is an attribute of relationship. Secondly, we become more cautious about who we open our hearts to. Knowing that we have a proclivity for relationship, causes us to treat relationships as something special.
2. Honesty about what we want.
All too often we find people who are so “hard up” for a relationship that they settle. Many are so thirsty for companionship that there are no real standards attached to their choices. We constantly talk to people who are in bad relationships just because they don’t want to be alone. Honesty fixes that in a JIFFY!
Honesty about what we want introduces us to the magical word of “CHOICE”. We have a choice. We do not have to settle for anything less than what we know that we want. Knowing what we want makes us bold and uncompromising. When we are clear and decisive about what makes us happy, it’s hard to lie to ourselves about red flags.
Knowing what you want allows you to assess the situation with such a vision for your relationship life that you won’t be able to lie to yourself. You will know when you’re settling.
3. Honesty about what we don’t want
When we are honest about what we don’t want, we are armed with three magnificent weapons of romance.
The first weapon is a word that is the most effective, sometimes offensive but mostly satisfying magical word that resides within the language of choice. “NO.” You can say “NO.” You can be proud of “NO.” You can have the peace of mind that you made a perfectly free will and right decision to not have what you do not want.
The second weapon is the weapon of Self-Value. This one weapon crowns you in Self-Love and clothes you in an untouchable armor. YOU decide when you want to be touched. You decide by whom you want to be touched. You simply will not waste yourself on someone you know that you don’t want.
You will not have to deal with those depressing conversations of “I deserve better.” You will know that you deserve “better” before being forced to deal with less than you deserve. You will also know what “better” is in comparison to its “worse.” You will have such an honesty about “better” that you will turn down “worse” before they become a personal note to self. Knowing what you don’t want keeps your Self-Value front and center and demands that it remains a pricey stock.
The third weapon that knowing what you don’t want gives you is PEACE. While counseling couples and singles, we’ve come in contact with those who have been emotionally abused, misused, abandoned, neglected and hurt. Their main request is peace.
“I’m tired of dealing with this.”,
“I’m worn out.”,
“I don’t have it in me anymore.”,
“All I want is Peace.”
These people endured brokenness to such an extent that they needed a break from a person, from relationships altogether and sometimes from everything. Peace is a weapon of knowing what you don’t want. When you value Peace, it is hard to settle for foolishness.
However, given the above three honesties, we want to caution you. In your pursuit of relationship honesty, do not allow FEAR to intimidate you. Fear of being rejected will cause you to accommodate foolishness. Fear of being alone will cause you to settle for what you don’t want. Fear of being disliked for your standards will cause you to compromise your values.
That’s what will make your Valentine Day meaningful again. Whether you are in a relationship or single, when you are honest with yourself, ultimately your choice is Happiness. Valentine’s Day is then no longer about “What I don’t have” or “What can I get?” When you’re honest and make choices that correspond to that honesty, Valentine’s Day becomes about “Look at what I’ve given myself, because I Love ME.”
About The Authors
Kenyon and Taccara are Partners in marriage, Partners in business, Partners in life, and Partners for Life. With Taccara’s vision and Kenyon’s insight they are the perfect compliment to one another.
Together, the two have written two books,The Soul-Ties Detox ™ Journey to Freedom and The 7-Key Principles to Empowered Dating ™. Both books include exercises that empower individuals to participate in their own rescue. Visit www.empoweredcouples.org for more info.