10 Things That (inexplicably) Happened When I Was Listening To First Lady Michelle Obama, Drop That Nuclear (ether) Speech Last Night.


1. I started snapping fingers, and yelling “ooookay!!” like I was an extra on the set of Love Jones. #‎BlueOnYoLeftSideFunkOnYoRight‬

2. I promise you, I was looking at the bottom of the screen searching for the 1-800 number to donate my tithes and offerings. Yes I am an official member of the Church of Michelle Obama, The Present Day Saint. (Don’t tell me you weren’t raising your hand towards the screen like it was altar prayer).

3. No shade to the former First Lady currently running for President, but I immediately started a Michelle for 2016 web page….I’m just wondering if it’s too late to nominate her from the floor of the convention (booking a red-eye to Philly).

4. Michelle was killing haters so bad, I immediately started tweeting #‎AllLivesMatter. I FINALLY understand what that hashtag was all about. I thank the Goddess formerly known as Michelle Obama for dropping eternal wisdom.

5. I started doing praise dance in my living room, like it was first Sunday, the church organ is playing and I just gave a medical miracle testimony.

6. I promise you when she said “When they go low, we go high”….I started crying like I was Soulja Boy at the BET Awards. The DNC was lit Fam!

7. I got in my car and started to drive to my barbershop and find the “Bootleg DVD Man” so I could be first in line to purchase that speech on burnt disc….2 for 10, 3 for 12. I’m here for it.

8. I started to feel bad for Melania. How in the world will she be able to copy a speech with ALL those black references. (FLOTUS knew what she was doing ???). I look forward to hearing this speech again in 4 years at the next Republican National Convention.

9. My fist started to go in the air when she painted the visual of waking up in the White House, built by slaves, and black girls playing with their dog on the front lawn (That deserves a Trinidad James ‘Whew!!!’). If that line doesn’t start another tea party revolution, I don’t know what will. #‎IceCold.

10. I pulled out the birth certificate and renamed my first born daughter. One day Obama Williams will thank me.

The ONLY thing I needed Michelle to do was drop that mic (like her husband did at his last Correspondence Dinner), but only after screaming “Chelle’ Out! Now run and copy dis”…then walks off stage like Randy Jackson.

I promise you they would have (and should have) ended the convention right there. Bernie would of had to come out and address the crowd and say “Nothing left to see here folks, her majesty just gave you Black Excellence in its purest form. Go home and ponder on this wonderful blessing”

‪#‎ElectMichelle16‬ (I’m here for it).

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